You need to wake the fuck up and stop dressing like Miley Cyrus. So put down you’re light pink Havianas and pick up your Pradas.
You may blame the fashion industry for your bad body image but the fashion industry blames you for not being able to fit into sample sizes so quit your whinging, because you’re you and no one does you better than you do. You may have noticed it’s August, and in Australia this means winter.
Winter is a primo style time so stop bitching out and be a little daring. Below I’ve included a vague list of things that you should consider when shopping without a clue.
Capes- they’re just fucking awesome (unless they make you look like a large vegetable in which case back the frick up).
Fur- It’s always in. Don’t bitch to me, activist slut, bitch to Anna Wintour. Activist gals go vintage!
Novelty socks - we’re talking patterns prints the works roll your jeans hitch your skirts and stretch those toe warmers, because nothing says personality like socks.
Mustard - its always in, and if you don’t feel like conforming to the caramel coloured trend that is destroying individual colour palets, then swap those camel coloured shorts for some mustard ones, because it rocks. Along with lime green and flouro yellow (trust me you’ll see flouro yellow again soon and you’ll thank me for this later).
Fat jewelry - I can’t stress to you enough how important this is. Clunky jewelry is abrasive and super in, especially if your aiming to look like you’ve been swallowed by a fashion monster. If you can’t afford Mimco or House of Harlow you can easily make your own clunky jewelry out of old tins/bits of tree etc. Just remember “if it’s bigger then your fist it belongs on your wrist.”
Buying shit second-hand (DUH!) - and no, “second-hand” and “Vintage” are not the same thing dickbrain, get it together. If you’re a good person and into recycling it’s actually really handy, and despite all the hooha, its a cheap way of finding great stuff. However, if your lazy you can go to “Vintage” stores where they’ve already found it for you.
Just buy things that someone else has used before you, because it looks good and it’s probably experienced more human contact then you have.
Using the internet! - You’re a twenty first century girl so do what you like! You can use the internet to judge what other people wear and in some cases validate the reason as to why you bought that piece of shit sportsgirl jumper . There are some awesome fashion blogs out there. So spark up and start surfing the web like it’s the new millennia.
Now go out and pleasure yourselves . Next month I’ll be conducting an in depth look at winter accessories and how you can use them to look like you don’t care. We’ll also be taking a look at the latest trends when we interview some rockstars.
Be good looking.
I love you guys!
xxx